Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
