I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize