AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
