Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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