Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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