How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
