I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My cat gives me a boner
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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