I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
