Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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