she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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