so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
