Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
