no, he came in my armpit
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
