two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
