I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think I just sharted jello shots
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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