The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
