My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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