I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
