I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
