This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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