New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize