too bad you live with your parents still
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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