Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just high enough for therapy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
