a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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