the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There are leaves in my underwear?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
