like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
