So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
