i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize