Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
