Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
