I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
