He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize