What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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