her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
