shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
