I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
