So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
