I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
