I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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