This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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