Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
