I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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