Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
