shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
