my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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