You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
