lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize