you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
