If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
