I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
