Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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