life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
