Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
