i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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