Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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