I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
handjob tips. give me some.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's always time for handjobs
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize