So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
