I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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