what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
