just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
