you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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