It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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