I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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