She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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