im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
