Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
