went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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