So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
