I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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