I just threw up on my dentist
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
