Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He shit in the fireplace
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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