Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
