Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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