don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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