He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
