do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
