did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
