just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
