Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
