you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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