I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize