How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize