Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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