as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
