Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
