According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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