I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize