Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
