dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
