the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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