and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
