I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
