his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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