I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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