come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
