glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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